He is Faithful

HE IS FAITHFUL 

At 4 years old was when fear started to play a part in my life. A small part, but still none the less a part. Then, fast forward to me at the age of 17 and this is when I started to experience true panic.  

The reality was that I did not know I had a spirit of fear or that what I was feeling in my body was anxiety. All I knew was that I was struggling to eat, and my brain seemed to be stuck on a loop of anxiety.  Thoughts that were clearly lies of torment would not leave my mind. It got so bad that my parents eventually took me to the doctor where I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. 

 But what I remember most about this time was sitting on my bed feeling completely alone and helpless. You see I was born and raised on the island of Papua New Guinea where my parents were missionaries. I sat on that bed, tears flooding, and I grabbed my Bible. I said, “God, I do not know what to do, I need help”. I have no idea why, but I turned to the book of Job. Ok, I do know now but at the time I did not realize he was taking me to my prophetic life verse. I sat on that bed reading Job 11:15-19 and it brought me some comfort knowing He heard me and had me.  

Shortly after this I headed into my senior year of high school and things seemed to get better. Really, I had just learned to cope better, but hey! for me the fact that I could function better was good enough. After graduating I moved back to Washington state at 19 to start a whole new chapter of my life. And the chapters that came packed a punch in my body, soul and spirit.  

For the sake of what is on my heart I am going to skip a few of them to get to the year 2016. The chapter that was the beginning of my healing journey. In 2016 I was existing. I thought I was healthy, but I was not. I still remember someone gently asking me if I should consider counseling. My reaction was one of fear and pride. “What, me?! I’m fine really.” I have a secret; I was not fine. And yes, I needed counseling. 

 All I can say is thank goodness for the Lords beautiful timing. He knew I needed help and he had always had a plan to set me free. In the spring of 2016, a friend of mine told me about a little church here in town that was doing deliverance sessions. Truthfully, I did not really know all what that meant but I didn’t care. I just knew I was struggling and, once again, needed help. I was still struggling with fear and anxiety and my coping skills were starting to do nothing for me. I was tired. So, I made and appointment and went. 

 I still remember my first session when I sat down. I looked at the man across from me with such uncertainty as to what to do next. The first thing out of his mouth was “You struggle with fear, huh?”. I broke into tears immediately wondering how he knew that when I had not said a word. Little did I know that this man would become my spiritual dad and would help me break free from the bondage of the enemy. 

 Now, deliverance is when you deal with the spiritual roots of things and close doors that are open for the enemy to come in and bring torment. Again, I did not know I needed this, but I did. You see the island of Papua is filled with witchcraft. At 6 weeks old I was taken into a remote tribe where my parents would minister there for 6 years. There was plenty of witchcraft there and I believe that was when the door of fear was opened, among other ones.  

So, for 3 months I met weekly with my spiritual father and lots of things that had never been dealt with came to light. I had no idea how much pain I had carried in my heart for so many years. It was like unearthing a fire hose of pent-up emotions. You see, I was particularly good at being a pull up your bootstrap's girl. Let me tell you, you do not get far with this mentality. I had trauma in my past and I did my best to forget it. BUT GOD! He had a better plan for me. But for me to get there I had to deal with my soul wounds (the soul is your mind, will, and emotions) and my spiritual wounds.  

The 3 months ended, and I felt good. Then a few weeks later it came back. The fear. The torment. But it was at a level 10 for me. I began to not be able to eat. Then I could not sleep and, eventually, I was missing days at work. What was happening was, I was having a mental breakdown. Because I  

had never dealt with my pain, my body said enough is enough and stopped functioning. On top of that the enemy wanted his ground back. I had been delivered of several demonic spirits and they were coming back with a vengeance. I felt like I was losing my mind. And, in a lot of ways, I was. 

 I remember moments where all I could do was say the name of Jesus because I was just done and exhausted. I honestly did not know what to do because of the intensity of it all. The torment was nonstop. As I was hanging from a mental thread, I walked into my churches Sunday service. Conveniently, all the deliverance pastors where there. At the end of service, I went up for prayer. Someone started to pray against a spirit of fear, and I dropped like a sack of potatoes. That morning I had my final deliverance. The last of the enemy’s hold was losing its grip. It felt like heaven and hell were fighting for me because it was so intense in the spirit. 

 I am happy to say that on that day, June 12th, 2016 God rescued me from the enemy and delivered me just as he promised. Then came the rebuilding. I went through counseling and inner healing for a couple of years. Just so you know if you are struggling there is no shame in getting help. Jesus came to set the captives free. 

 Do you know why I am sharing this part of my testimony to you? Because I want to give God all the glory. He is the one who had a rescue plan for me from the beginning of time. He was the one who longed to set me free. In fact, I remember him giving me a picture of Jesus running down this long hallway. He was flinging doors open looking for me. At the end of the hallway was one dark room and I was in it. He flung the door open and pulled me out. And that was what he did. And continues to do! 

 Remember how I was diagnosed with OCD? What I would do when tormenting thought patterns would come was get afraid, and then in order to cope I would do compulsions to fight the tormenting thoughts. It gave me false sense of control. An example would be fearing I left the stove on so I would stare at it over and over (even though I knew it was off) it did not matter. Logic does not work with a brain rooted in fear. Even though I knew it was off, fear had such a hold on me that it would take me forever to leave the house because of constant checking.  

 Again, why am I telling you this? To give you hope! Because these things were interfering with my life and I thought I would live my whole life triggered, doing compulsions and being governed by fear. But God be the Glory. Over the last year he has given me even greater breakthrough in these areas!  

I do not live in fear. I live in his peace. Because of His blood, I am free and free indeed. He is so faithful, so kind and so loving in every way. It is all because of my Jesus! Yes, He is our healer.  

My friends if there are places in your life yet to be healed, do not give up. Let him into those places. Keep your eyes on him and stand on the word of God. He truly is faithful, and he will never leave you or forsake you.  

Again, I am now 35 years old and I am starting to see the fulfilment of his promise to that 17-year-old me. I give Him all the honor and all the glory for my freedom. I love being His daughter and long for everyone to experience His love, healing, and faithfulness. Below is my prophetic life verse, I pray this encourages your heart to know He sees you and will always set you free. 

“Then your face will brighten with innocence. You will be strong and free of fear. You will forget your misery; It will be like water flowing away. Your life will be brighter than the noonday. Even darkness will be as bright as morning. Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. You will lie down unafraid, and many will look to you for help.” Job 11:15-19                

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion – to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.” Isaiah 61: 1-3 

By Ashley Yunker